PRESENTING: THE BARBIES OF THE WORLD
First off, we have Argentina Barbie! Before I continue, let me make a note: Argentina Barbie doesn’t have to be blonde simply because Madonna played Evita Peron. Now, as each of these Barbies comes with an accessory or pet from their countries of origin, you might think that AB has some sort of Argentinian cat, but she has a baby cougar. A BABY FUCKING COUGAR.
Next up is Brazil Barbie! Her skin color is surprisingly accurate for her country of origin, but her accessory isn’t some amazing jungle cat (like that bitch, Argentina Barbie), but rather, a plate of “cocadas,” a dessert with coconut.
Chile Barbie is here, sporting, you guessed it, a CHILEAN TERRIER. I’m starting to see the pattern with the animals (except for the cougar. YOU DON’T KEEP WILD ANIMALS AS PETS).
The award for Most Inaccurate Cultural Portrayal goes to: CHINA BARBIE! With baby panda in tow, one can’t help but wonder why China Barbie’s eyes look the same as, say, Argentina Barbie or…
Hawaii Barbie. Donning the traditional garb of Hawaii during luaus held for the enjoyment of tourists, she’s befriended a sea turtle, as Hawaiians are prone to do. Where’s the pineapple?
Holland Barbie shows us that wooden clogs will always be in style as she keeps up the tradition of wearing the outfit that most of the US probably thinks all Dutch people wear while showing off her rabbit friend.
India Barbie gets the prize for wearing an outfit that people in her country wear nowadays, but loses major points for making friends with a monkey that probably has rabies.
Ireland Barbie gets the award for Worst Barbie in the World, not only because she has (you guessed it) an Irish Setter, but also for not coming with a pint glass and a bottle of Guinness.
Finally, we have Mexico Barbie. She’s either posing for a tourism brochure or having her Quinceañera, but she’s definitely not going to the Home Depot for day labor as a maid! She shows the world that Mexicans can break stereotypes by lovingly adopting…a chihuahua.